"It is my mission!" This was the emphatic response
to my redirection from two-year-old Max as he dismantled his grandmother’s French casement
window opener. Apparently, his obsession
with the cartoon Little Einstein's was teaching him the concept of a mission.
As I pulled him away, kicking and screaming, I would have never guessed that this
destructive act would lead me down the path to such a successful strategy for
working with him.
For those of you who read my blog, you know that Max is a
high energy child. (Click here to learn about Max) Despite his mother and I having 45 combined
years in education working with kids, we still struggle with his behavior.
Imagine the discomfort when we were invited to have him be the ring bearer at
an outdoor wedding in Vermont. My first thought was, "That is not going to
happen." I envisioned a cartoon-like scene in which Max was the Tasmanian
devil spinning around eating the pillow with the rings attached and bolting off
into the woods. (Click here to see my visualization) My brother-in-law and
future sister-in-law pleaded that we involve him. They were willing to take the
risk. After many conversations, Courtney and I decided that we would embrace the
discomfort and take him as the ring bearer.
With the decision made, Courtney and I began strategizing
about how we could make this happen.
During one of our conversations, we remembered how motivated he was when, “on a mission.” For years as a classroom teacher, putting kids to work was a go-to
strategy for active students who would disrupt the class relentlessly if not engaged. It is one of those seemingly universal
ironies for educators that best practice often gets forgotten when
working with our biological children! Here is how we used the mission concept to set Max up for success.
Mission Lessons:
1)
Clearly define
the mission objective - We told Max that he had an important mission to
accomplish at his Uncle Matt’s and Aunt Rachael’s wedding. We acquired the pillow that he was to carry
and tied fake rings to it. We showed him
pictures of his Uncle Matt and told him that he would walk slowly toward him,
carrying the pillow. Once he got to his
uncle, he would give Matt the pillow and get a hug. Max would then walk to Mommy and sit on the
front row.
2)
Provide a
model of excellence - To help Max visualize what his mission would look
like, we searched You Tube for a video that showed a good model. It was an intensive search since many of the
videos show best how not to do it!
3)
Break the
mission down into parts - We began clearly chunking the process into
parts. We included pillow positioning
and the speed of walking as his mastery of the basic skills were established.
4)
Provide immediate
specific feedback - Rather than just celebrating with a “Good job!”, we
worked to be very specific as he was practicing. The feedback sounded like, “Good job bringing
the pillow to Mommy. Next time carry the
pillow in both hands.”
5) Provide positive
reinforcement - Max loves Pez candy! We used his sweet tooth to positively
reinforce his behavior. Broken in half,
these little candies stretch a long way.
Some may argue that this is a bribe.
This is not true since a bribe is designed to induce someone to do something
illegal or dishonest. The reality is that reinforcers offer a powerful tool for shaping behavior. Extrinsic motivators are often necessary to find success, with the ultimate goal of being driven from within.
6)
Provide multiple opportunities
to practice over time - Because we had the gift of time, we were able to
practice this over and over again. Once we were at the rehearsal in Vermont,
the distraction of people and the open woods were a small thing to overcome
because he had automaticity.
7)
Play off
of their passion - Max is not a fan of dressing up. His ring bearer outfit included multiple
layers, a vest, a tie and a cap. Max
rarely wears a hat for more than a minute.
This is where playing on his passion for a mission made all the
difference. We sold him that these were
his “special mission clothes.” With this approach we had to fight him to take
them off, instead of putting them on.
8)
Trust and
celebrate - In the end, all that was left was to trust that he would do the
right thing. Despite all the successful
practice, I will tell you my heart was thumping like an excited shrew when I
set him down and sent him on his way. We
were rewarded with a perfectly accomplished mission. My Tasmanian devil had been transformed into
masterful little solider. We were so
proud! The pride and love Max felt from
his family was the intrinsic motivator that I wanted him most to experience. I was not disappointed.
